I learned that when we confess, we are opening up the wound so that He can heal us, truly heal us. No more 12 steps to 'self care', no more band-aid solutions that eventually lead to infection and spread into other areas of life. God wants the matter settled, once and for all so that we can move on to the next course in our spiritual growth.
Struggling to find peace when I look at the world. Can some of my mature brothers and sisters in Christ help me?
I could feel the heat of the day, the echoing of the sun's rays off the pavement as I ran between two fields. Both full and ready for harvest. Something green and tall to my left and bright, golden wheat to my right. While I felt no pain, other than the burning of the scorched blacktop on my bare feet, I noticed I was bleeding.
Still, as difficult as this road has been, the rewards have been twice as powerful. The reward of knowing that my children will have their mother, not an absent parent. The reward of knowing others have found comfort in the testimonies shared here, if only for a moment. Just long enough to spark the fire of recovery within them as well. These alone have been an honor I had underestimated and at times over looked.
This activity can be used to teach your children the importance of daily devotionals, speaking kind words to their peers regularly and/or the overall idea that our minds and bodies need to be reminded of positive teachings throughout our lifetime.
I tell myself I am speaking up for those who can't. I tell myself that God gave me this gift not for my own purpose but for His works to be done. I tell myself of course there will be haters.
But none of that makes it any easier. Especially not when that hate and judgement is the same voice I have fought against my entire life.
I wasn't ready to be a mother, and because of that I haven't always been the mother my children need.
Most recently, I found myself lost without a clue what to do when my oldest had a major meltdown, allowing her possessive jealousy to get the best of her.
I needed a second to breath, to stop shaking. If there was a solution I wasn't going to find it burried under emotional outbursts. Only with calm, clear intention.
Until I could admit that I had been wrong, living a lie and allowing it to affect my own daughter, I couldn't get anywhere in life. Not spiritually, anyway.
Before my husband and I decided to create life, become a family and grow together as a unit we never really talked about all that comes with having a child. To be fair we didn't know were to start. Parenting is something that you learn as you go. We thought it was enough to read a few baby books, work, save, sleep then repeat.
Truth is, sometimes these mini vacations aren't an option, sometimes we need a way out during the thick of the moment.
"She's going to be okay, don't worry your gramma is alright." I believed it because anything else was unacceptable.