The Lord’s Beating Drum
When I first discovered Nicole’s page I was swept away with the overwhelming hum of welcomeness that she projects. Her page has a way of comforting you with a gentle, steady beat.
From post to post you can feel that beat grow, stronger and yet still, the way you imagine any loving, resilient Mother would beat on and on through life’s trials.
As a fellow Christian, I couldn’t help but feel connected to her words about our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.
A room can easily become a mixed batch of intense emotions anytime someone brings up their beliefs, however, I have noticed that Nicole has a way of speaking about her relationship with God in a manner that doesn’t project judgement, curse those who see differently or spread hatred in the name of our Lord, as so many fallen believers unfortunately find themselves doing.
Because of this I felt compelled to reach out to her. I wanted to know more about where her love for Jesus stems from.
And I was not disappointed.
In this Guest Post Nicole opens up about faith in the face of ‘failure’ and letting a loved one go, knowing the Lord is with them even if they chose not to see Him, among other things.
Thank you for this wonderful piece, Nicole.
– God Bless!
Why I Love Jesus
Guest Post by Nicole of My Casual Reflection
I am not a model Christian. I feel like I have to start with that disclaimer, because well, it’s true! Given that I have known Jesus basically all my life, one would think I would be farther along in my walk. But alas, I still have soooo much to learn.
My love for Jesus truly didn’t start the first time I asked Him into my heart. I believed what the Bible says about Jesus – that he was born, died, and rose from the grave for my sins – but I didn’t grasp the love involved in that. At 11, I was baptized and was on fire for Jesus and read my Bible for a while. Then the teen years hit! My foundation wasn’t solid enough and I slipped. Here’s the thing though, I didn’t turn away. I still wanted Jesus in my life, but as is typical of many “baby” Christians, I wanted to walk a fine line between good and evil so I wouldn’t miss out on the “fun” of being young. Oh dear, what a bunch of nonsense! I can say that now at the age of 43 looking back. Trust me, God’s ways are so much better than ours!
But this post is about why I love Jesus, so here it is.
Because He loves me.
He is faithful and gracious and merciful and kind and everything else I struggle to be! Jesus walks with me as close as I will let Him. In every season of life. In all the ups and downs. Jesus is right there. Loving me (including discipline as needed) and standing with me in everything I do.
Jesus shows himself in my current struggles as a mom. I have to give my children over to Him daily. Sometimes I worry that I’m doing this mom things right. It’s my responsibility to teach them about Jesus, to show them His love, and to pray they will choose to follow Him and walk with Him. Do I do a good job of that? I’m not sure.
I thought I was doing a good job with Kiddo (nickname used for privacy purposes). He’s my first born – 18 years old now! He accepted Jesus as Savior and was baptized at 13. By the age of 15, he was questioning Christianity. By 16, he decided he believes in God, but not so much this whole Jesus thing. He questions. Why only one way? That doesn’t seem fair? How is that loving?
To be 100% honest with you, I feel like I’ve failed him. I don’t want anyone to go to hell, but most especially not my son. Part of me says, “Well, he was saved and baptized, he’s just backslidden”. But no one can say the condition of another person’s heart. Only God knows if Kiddo is bound for heaven. It just breaks my heart and worries me that I won’t do my two youngest justice either. Will they know the love of Jesus? Will they accept Him and stick with Him?
In all of this, Jesus is right by my side. He gives me little bits of encouragement when I need them. Not long after Kiddo made his statement about his belief, I was cleaning out some stuff in his room. He also moved in with his dad an hour away at the start of his senior year of high school. So, he had some boxing up that I helped with. I found his Bible from when he was first saved. I had told him to start reading in the book of John because that help us realize God’s love for us. I just happened to flip through to John as I picked up the Bible and it was all marked up from him studying. Then…on another page I saw where he had written “What happened?? I started thinking for myself.”
Now, this was hard to read. Very hard. BUT God reminded me that His Word does not return void. The seeds are planted in Kiddo’s heart based on the other markings in that Bible and what he was taught growing up. Although his friends and this world have led him astray, I can trust that God wants him saved even more than I do. God loves him even more than I do. And if I pray and seek God for my son’s eternal security, I can trust God to reach my son. So, I pray every night for my son to come back to Jesus. To know the love of Jesus one day even better than I do. I fast from social media once a month for a week in honor of and to focus my prayer efforts on Kiddo instead of mindless scrolling. I have to fight for his soul, and prayer is the most powerful weapon in the fight.
There is a song by For King And Country called “Shoulders”. I was listening to it the other day. Although I’ve heard it many times before, it hit me that day with new insight. My eyes welled up with tears at how good my God is. The chorus is:
My help comes from You
You're right here, pulling me through
You carry my weakness, my sickness, my brokenness all on Your shoulders
My help comes from You
You are my rest, my rescue
I don't have to see to believe that You're lifting me up on Your shoulders
I love Jesus for being everything I need. Even when I didn’t realize it, even though I don’t act like it sometimes, He is always there and He always loves me with unconditional unending incomprehensible love. He walks with me always, and carries me and my burdens when I need it. That’s why I love Jesus.