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Clearing Fear

This is a poem about finding courage that I wrote just after posting my first article, The Beckoning, in an upcoming series about parenting after overcoming addiction.

I chose to start this series shortly after participating in #1honestminute on Twitter.
Now, the topic of addiction has nothing to do with the honest minute challenge created by DadFiction.
However, as someone who swore I would never get on video publically, willingly or without some sort of halloween mask at the very least…. trust me, the rush of posting an honest, raw minute on my public Twitter account was more than strong enough to push me towards opening the door to more creative boundaries.

Apparently, somewhere in my mind I decided it was a good idea to write about how I have used my past experiences (as a young adult and child with multiple addictions) to work to my benefit now as a parent.

As Jennifer Douglas from Goldfish And Chicken Nuggets so beautifully put it, I’ll keep pushing myself to “feel the fear and write through it.”

From spotting other addicts and addiction, to recognizing when my own demons are waking from their hibernation, I plan to peel the bandaid slow and steady, one post at a time.

Clearing Fear

I’m looking for signs of truth
Something that answers my biggest fears

Crowding out all I’ve yet to explore
Wasting time worried about ‘something more’

From shelf to shelf my mind fills with files
Files filled with vivid fears

Stored away until the dam breaks
Until all my emotions build into a hormonal rage

Chaos was my mother’s chosen way
A walking foreshadow of cringe worthy moments

Gathered together like a forgot pile of dusty tapes
Taking you back, but not always in a good way

Now here I am
The woman that won’t run
Not when I have seen what all it can take away

I am the stranger fixed in my ways

Staring you in the eyes
Praying you won’t turn away

Shielding us both from the honesty on my face
Wearing my fears like a villain wears his pain
I am gathered in this moment, clenching tight to the facade

While looking for signs of truth
Answers to wash my fears away

Writing through the fear.
A person that stares down their weaknesses with persistence has the clarity and wisdom of a survivor.
-Caffeine, Chaos & Grace