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Starting From Scratch After Struggling

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Hello Mamas,
This one comes straight from the heart. Struggles, honesty and the work of God. I’m going to try not to cry while typing, tears aren’t good for your keyboard after all. *Que comic relief?


Before my husband and I decided to create life, become a family and grow together as a unit we never really talked about all that comes with having a child. To be fair we didn’t know were to start. Parenting is something that you learn as you go. We thought it was enough to read a few baby books, work, save, sleep then repeat.
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Life sure did have a few hard lesson stored up for us.
A year into our parenting journey we discovered the struggles of finding quality, affordable childcare for our little. We thought we had found the answer in a local daycare. Unfortunately, even as affordable as it seemed on paper, once the numbers came in I quickly saw that I was working just to pay for childcare.
Before I knew it, I had quit my job within the first two years of having my daughter, gone back to work… and quit again. I thank the Lord everyday that He lead me to a company that understands the meaning of ‘family first’ and ‘life happens.’ I am no way naive to the fact that many companies would not have rehired me in such a quick, pain free manner.
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Still, it seemed like just as soon as things would begin to settle, they fell apart.
As if nothing was going to work in our favor when it came to having a two-income household. We tried having family help us with childcare, even had a family member move in with us. I moved my work-shift all over the board. As a last resort I worked grave-yard shift, which for the most part seemed to work, had I not gotten pregnant with our third daughter. Seriously, I tip my hat to anyone who can balance a grave-yard shift, running a home and being pregnant!
We had reached a point where the bills were more than stacked against us. They were the impending doom of our future and the biggest stress factor weighing on our minds day and night. It sounds comical to me now, but at the time that is exactly how it felt.
Not even living pay-check to pay-check was paying the rent (never mind anything else) and I had exhausted all resources. Well, those within my moral compass. There just weren’t any jobs in our area hiring, well none that would hire a very pregnant woman in need of health insurance and immediate maternity leave!
The time had come to turn to the Lord, so I did. It took a few days of prayer, a clear head and quiet time before I felt my answer.

“Walk away…”

Honesty and The Work of God

That’s right, my Lord was telling me it was time to stop fighting against His plans and walk away from my burdens, not towards them. We had been walking through water, swimming up stream, climbing an up hill battle (I think you get the idea) for what was roughly the hardest three to four years of our adult lives.
Moving from one home to the next, one job after another, finding ourselves in the same boat each time. I mean honestly, how much change did we expect to have after making the same mistakes again and again? Call it what you will, clarity, epiphany, conscious awareness, but one thing I know for sure is that the moment I felt those words, “Walk away…” it was literally lighter in the room. The air lifted, the lights were brighter, even all my fear and anxiety over what to do, where we going to go next, how were we going to provide for our children?! It was gone.
For the first time in my life I was comfortable with the idea of letting it all go.
So… As soon as my husband came home, I sat him down, told him the news and he agreed. It was time to ask for a lifeline. I called a trusted family member the next morning, we made plans to move in with them and sent our life in a completely new direction. One that would normally be whisked away with a prideful angst.

surf school (1)A Sigh of Relief

Now that I have seen all that is needed of us here, how much better my children are doing and the joy that fills our lives and our hearts in this current situation, I just can’t believe we didn’t allow this opportunity into our lives sooner. We took so long trudging through our struggles when an open door was right there, whispering at us to set aside our egos and just ask for help. Another lesson learned the hard way, but learned and noted nonetheless.